Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Sam.
[00:00:26] Speaker B: Welcome. Welcome, everybody.
We're doing it. Oh, if only. Welcome. Welcome.
[00:00:33] Speaker A: We're doing it live. Welcome.
[00:00:37] Speaker B: I mean, my plan was to put it in the title.
[00:00:39] Speaker C: So we have a surprise.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:00:40] Speaker C: No, that was the best intro you could have done. Do we. Does everyone know who we have here with us today?
[00:00:46] Speaker B: Oh, are you gonna say his name out loud or are you introducing him? Somebody's got to do it proper.
We have a return guest. Not only a one episode return, one of our maybe one or two. Only two parter episode guest returns. Welcome back, Jaro.
Welcome back. We're so excited to have you.
But we're excited. I just want to like give a disclaimer really, right off the bat, you guys are going to be in an open room. So we totally just heard the bus that went by or whatever.
But don't worry, we're going to keep it in. And let's just like kick off with updates. First and foremost.
Jaru, start with us. Like last time you were on the pod.
Yeah, they're probably sick of us for sure.
[00:01:30] Speaker A: Thanks for having me back.
[00:01:34] Speaker C: Yeah, we're doing some updates. I mean, we have a lot of to talk about. Mostly we can just riff on any old good stuff, but we have a lot going on. Jaro and I have a lot of updates that, that we kind of thought would be fun to bring to the pod. So we just thought we'd get together and just chit chat and jaw jab. I guess we should have asked for questions from the audience before we started this, but we're gonna do our best.
Yeah, we. Everyone knows what's going on with us. Kind of sort of.
[00:02:03] Speaker A: Sure.
I think the last time I was on the pod, I was single, struggling with dating and online and apps and really was hating on the apps pretty hard.
I think I mentioned I wanted to meet someone more kind of real world situation rather than apps, because I felt like apps give this feeling of expectations of relationship rather than building a friendship, a bond, things like that, before you actually dive into a relationship interaction.
So, yeah, since then, I'm not single anymore and I met an amazing, beautiful, loving, kind, smart, we can attest to all these things, et cetera, et cetera, woman.
And it's been a complete trip on the whole thing. You know, it kind of blew away any expectations that I had of relationship. Showed me a lot of things about myself that I didn't know were things.
I think one of the most immediate things that I recognized once I was in a very committed, very meaningful, very good going in the right Direction kind of relationship is the amount of energy and time.
Freedom of energy and time that I had that wasn't being directed at trying to find somebody, but could be directed in not only building the relationship like, that energy could not only be directed in building the relationship and making it better, but also in a lot of other fun trip planning and hobbies and things like that that I wasn't spending in trying to find somebody.
[00:04:01] Speaker C: Yeah. Either on the apps or, like, going on first dates or, like, whatever. Whatever.
[00:04:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: Do you feel the same way when you.
[00:04:08] Speaker C: Yeah. Agreed. I feel like it's crazy because we talked about this on our resolutions or whatever manifestation pod just last time that I have, like, always been telling myself I need to, like, balance and, like, rest and relax and et cetera, et cetera. And I feel like it's so much easier when you're in a relationship because you feel, like, comfortable. And obviously the comfort comes after, like, a little bit of time, but it's just, like, more comfortable to hang out and not feel obligated to, like, go on this elaborate date or, like, make all these plans to do all these things because you're, like, nervous about not ever meeting someone or, like, finding opportunities to meet someone. Like, all this time where you can just, like, spend with a person or just, like, feel comfortable to, like, spend alone or do something that you want to do, work out, etc. It just seems so much easier and, like, it's crazy. Yeah. How much more free time I have, but also not really super free time because I, like, want to spend it with my person, but it's also just. Yeah. So bizarre. Like, the dichotomy of how we're transitioning into a whole different, like, level.
[00:05:15] Speaker B: And. Yeah.
[00:05:17] Speaker A: I have a question for you, Kelly, and tell me how you felt in a situation like this, because anytime that I would be introduced by friend when I was single, anytime I'd be introduced to someone new, whether it was through a friend or whether it was, you know, through a Facebook meetup group or whatever someone knew that I would interact with, I would always be, like, judging, like, oh, they're cute, or they're not cute. I wonder if they're single or I don't care if they're single because I'm not attracted to them when I'm in a relationship. That thought and that, like, social interaction just doesn't even exist for me.
[00:05:56] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:05:57] Speaker A: The thing that comes to my mind is, oh, I wonder what they're into. They could be a good friend rather than, oh, they're cute. I Wonder if they're single.
[00:06:06] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:06] Speaker A: I don't know. Do you feel that way?
[00:06:07] Speaker C: 100 just like going to the gym. Because I feel like at the Juniper gym, for whatever reason there's all these like cute boys there. I mean, maybe this is all gyms and I just like don't really pay attention that often. But yeah, it was so bizarre. Like before I was in a relationship, going to the gym is like completely different than now. The reason why I'm there now because you always want like there to be like sort of a meet cute or something. You know, you like that it'd be like nice to meet someone that way. Or, you know, just like, I don't know, Everyone always like. I mean, maybe still people in relationships like, desire to like, have someone be like, hey, like, I want to give you my number. Or like, can you, can you like take my number?
[00:06:46] Speaker B: Or whatever.
[00:06:46] Speaker C: Like, that would be so nice. I mean, it doesn't happen in life anymore or at all really. I mean, we talked about that on the last pod, but yeah, it's so crazy just like how your perspective shifts and changes over time of like being in a relationship and like how comfortable you are and then. But also just like the fact of like not needing to like.
Yeah. Pull people into your ether because you feel very comfortable with like your friend group and your person and like, whatever. It is pretty wild. Like before I was always like, oh, maybe I should start this hobby or like go to this meetup and like start this new thing or like go to trivia or whatever just in case of like meeting someone or meeting someone different or whatever the case may be. And now it just feels so nice not have to do that.
[00:07:29] Speaker B: But.
[00:07:33] Speaker C: No, I mean, I'm trying not to.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: I know. I feel the same way.
[00:07:37] Speaker C: I mean, I see you a lot less, I would say.
[00:07:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Because you're never around.
[00:07:41] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:07:42] Speaker B: Whoa.
[00:07:43] Speaker C: That's not true at all. You're never here.
[00:07:47] Speaker B: You were in Hawaii.
[00:07:48] Speaker C: You were in. We've done a lot of Dominican Republic.
[00:07:51] Speaker A: We've done a lot of traveling.
[00:07:52] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. He was just gone for like two weeks.
[00:07:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Something like that.
[00:07:57] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:00] Speaker B: I'm so incredibly happy.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
Yeah. It. It makes it so much easier when you have somebody to do. Do things with.
[00:08:12] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:12] Speaker A: It makes it easier to stay in and do nothing. It makes it easier to go out. It makes it easier just to like.
I don't know, it like gives you an extra opportunity that you didn't have before because you can still go out and meet up with your friends without your partner. That's. Yeah, that doesn't change. But it also.
Totally. Yeah, yeah. It gives you. It just gives you an opportunity to do something also different than what you were doing previously because you have their interests that you become interested in and it just kind of opens up a whole different world.
[00:08:47] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:48] Speaker B: I'm just happy for the both of you being in relationships and traveling and living the best of your lives. It's just great. Look at you both. I love it. Okay, I'm gonna ask the both of you more questions. Like, early on in your relation, at what point in your early relationship were you like, okay, like, I'm. This isn't one of those two to three month kind of things. Like, this is something I'm gonna feel really grounded in. You know, was that ever, like, was it immediate or was it like a gradual recognition? Recognition? Because sometimes people don't get to that point very often. Right. Like, that's the whole point of being like, cool. I don't. I can. I can delete the app or whatever. I found my person. Not that that's like.
[00:09:30] Speaker C: Yeah, I was gonna say maybe I should go first because I was gonna say, like, our. It's funny because the last pod, we were both talking about how we hated the dating apps and, like, what was wrong with them and, like, us both being on them, but both. Both having profiles and like, how we look at it so differently and how we felt differently. Like it was viewed differently, male versus female, etc and okay, so I did meet my person on a dating app and so it is interesting.
I mean, he is the worst texter. Probably not anymore. He's gotten a lot better. But he's like, not a great communicator via phone. Like, he's a good caller. Like, he's a phone caller. He's not a texter person. He's not like a social media person, which I love.
Yeah, he like follows me on Tick Tock, but only because he has to, not because he wants to. So things like that. And same with Instagram and whatever. But yeah, so, like, things like that were funny in the beginning because to me, like, and just like with dating, app culture is like, you know, texting is like kind of a lot of it. Even though it's such a bummer. It was like how you get to know each other and kind of just like, see, like, testing out, like, immediate interest.
But I will say, like, right off the bat, Kevlar can attest to this. We had gone on a couple of dates and then I was driving to California to go to A music festival. And he called me while we were in the car together. And I was like, by the way, my friend Kate is like, on the phone with me. And he was like, okay. And I was like, did you mean to call me? Call me? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, oh, why?
Why are you calling me?
[00:11:18] Speaker A: Because I want to connect on a different level than text.
[00:11:21] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. So that was just like a funny interaction. And then we ended up like talking like all throughout the weekend. And then I feel like it just like jumped off from there because I was like, wait, he's actually, like wanting and meaning to call me.
As far as like, knowing.
I would say it was just like so easy. And so, yeah, just like different than feeling than I had been on any, like, other dates with anyone. After, like, our second date, we, like, were pretty serious and that sounds ridiculous, but just like intention wise, like, we were really good about communicating and.
[00:11:58] Speaker B: Yeah, but you guys had been like, talking because, you know, there was a moment in your early, like for three or four weeks that you guys didn't really see each other. Right? And then you had reconnected when you were back in town. And it was like, very gradual. So an ease of communication to begin with, like, lays the foundation and then you build on that with actual interactions. Phone calls, face to face, meetings.
[00:12:20] Speaker C: Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So that was the other thing is just because I'm such a busybody and like, I planned so many things, I, like, wasn't available to hang out with him for the first, like, month that I knew him.
And so it was really important that we, like, talked on the phone and all that kind of stuff.
And so, yeah, it was just very slow roll at the beginning and he was just like, in for it. And that was really nice. And then he ended up, like, on a last minute, like, going to Idaho with me, going to a music festival, which was like out of his comfort zone and just like, he's not really into music. And so that was just like a whole new ball game for him.
So I knew that that was like, pretty of him.
[00:13:01] Speaker B: It's a good, like, early test of the relationship to like get in the car and have a road trip for like, no, literally.
[00:13:07] Speaker C: We asked each other questions for literally, yeah, eight hours.
[00:13:12] Speaker B: It's like four days.
[00:13:14] Speaker C: And then it snowed the whole fucking weekend. We were stuck in the back of his, like, camper for the whole, like, five days. So it was definitely a learning experience. And he asked me to be like, exclusive, exclusive on that trip. And then the whole like, boyfriend, girlfriend thing, like, happened later. That's a whole other story to tell at a later date. But yeah, so I feel like it's just like initially we like, both were very, like, upfront about, like, wanting to be in a relationship, not wanting to, like, play games, not wanting to, like, do all the stupid, like, dating app.
And so I feel like that was just nice from the get go to have like a communication about what we were actually, like, wanting and looking for. So, yeah, sorry, that was really long winded.
[00:13:55] Speaker A: But yours not isn't even going to compare to mine.
[00:13:58] Speaker C: Yeah, that's true, that's true.
[00:14:01] Speaker A: It was good that you went first.
It really is.
[00:14:05] Speaker C: I mean, people are here for you anyways, Jaro, so it's.
[00:14:07] Speaker A: What are you talking about? This is your podcast.
[00:14:11] Speaker B: I'm here for you, Jaro. I see her all the time.
[00:14:14] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:14:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:14] Speaker C: So question was, did you know it was serious?
[00:14:17] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:14:18] Speaker C: We should wrap that or you can.
[00:14:20] Speaker B: Start wherever you want.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: Was yours?
[00:14:22] Speaker C: I think so, yeah. Yeah.
[00:14:23] Speaker A: Like within what, a month's time would you say?
[00:14:27] Speaker C: I would say when I left for Italy, I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship with him. Yeah. So that was.
I don't know. Yeah, we'd known each other for maybe like six weeks at that point.
[00:14:39] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: Yeah, it's pretty early, but not the earliest. Some people get married, like their third date.
[00:14:47] Speaker A: So my parents got married after two weeks of knowing each other.
Engaged. My dad proposed after two weeks.
[00:14:54] Speaker C: That's impressive.
[00:14:55] Speaker B: That is so sweet.
[00:14:56] Speaker C: Your mom has been really hot.
[00:14:58] Speaker A: Are they probably.
[00:14:59] Speaker B: I'm just kidding.
[00:15:00] Speaker C: No, I'm sure they're lovely humans. I haven't got to meet them.
[00:15:04] Speaker B: That's a really weird thing to say, but okay.
[00:15:08] Speaker A: Also, can I react to how to respond to that question?
[00:15:11] Speaker C: Acknowledge that's a very weird, attractive human.
[00:15:14] Speaker A: Well, obviously. Look at me.
[00:15:15] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:15:20] Speaker A: Okay, that was a little much. Sorry.
[00:15:23] Speaker B: Can I tell you really fast?
So I got on the phone with Kelly's mom earlier today, and I was like, yeah, we're gonna do a podcast with Jar. I'm really excited. I haven't, like, chatted with him or whatever. And she was like, well, tell me about him. What does he do? Or whatever. I'm like, well, he's dating the most beautiful human I've ever met in my life.
And he's such a sweetheart. And she remembered the podcast. There was something about you suddenly. You said.
She was like, oh, yeah, I remember him. He's very thoughtful. Like, you have, like this. You've already used the Word dichotomy on, like, five minutes into this. And I feel like you guys have both of this really interesting approach to, like, relationships and interpersonal, like, communication. And I don't know, she was like, oh, yeah. They're just like deep thinkers. Like, oh, yeah. That's the kind of podcast we're gonna.
[00:16:06] Speaker C: Do today is like a bunch of deep people.
[00:16:09] Speaker B: So, yeah, I know that I'm excited for this and I know that Renee.
[00:16:12] Speaker C: Is excited for this too.
[00:16:13] Speaker B: So we're here for you, but now.
[00:16:15] Speaker A: Cool. All right, well, let's get deep then.
So where do I start?
So my girlfriend, her name's Sam.
[00:16:27] Speaker C: Shout out.
[00:16:29] Speaker A: And I've known Sam since the first summer I moved to Bend. So it's like almost two and a half years now.
I met Sam in Riverbend Park. We were doing acro. I came for like a. An acro meetup with our group of friends.
And Will you explain acro?
[00:16:50] Speaker C: I don't know if people know what that is.
[00:16:51] Speaker A: So acro yoga is kind of like, you know, when you're a kid and your dad's like, hey, come flying. And you get up on his feet, he's laying on his back with his feet up in the air, and you get on his feet and you're like flying like an airplane. Well, acro yoga is basically that, but then you go into a bunch of different movements and poses. It's basically like a partner stretching activity, yoga exercise.
That's really fun. It works a lot of your body. It's a lot of, like, body awareness.
It's a lot of strength. It's a lot of, like, flexibility and just. Yeah, it's, it's a, it's a great all around body activity that's fun to do with a partner.
Some people get very in their head about acro because, you know, you're.
You're touching strangers in sometimes weird and uncomfortable positions and that some people might be scared or concerned or uncomfortable with that.
But it's a very, I don't know, fun, interactive physical activity to do with your friends. Like platonic friends. I mean, you could do with romantic friends as well, but typically platonic friends.
[00:18:05] Speaker C: And a lot of our friends do it. So we have a lot of talented people in our group.
[00:18:10] Speaker A: So I showed up to this acro meetup in the park and I see Sam and I, you know, I'm like, ooh. Like I said earlier, it's like, ooh, she's cute. I wonder if she's single.
And throughout the day I find out, no, she's married with a husband for several years. And so, you know, in my brain, I compartmentalize and say, nope, Sam's off limits romantically. She would be a great friend, but she's. She's married. I'm not gonna get in between her and her husband. That's just not what I do.
And that's the relationship that Sam and I had for two years.
Yeah, year and a half. Two years.
And then there was an occurrence where we were hanging out, and I don't know what it was, but she was just kind of, like, in her element, and I was looking at her, and I started to develop, like, a more an attract attraction to her.
And immediately when I started to recognize that I, like, got up, I walked away, and I had to go talk myself down and be like, no, Jaro, this is not good. Sam's married. Her husband's your friend. You hang out all the time. Like, do not do this. This is not right. Move past this.
This is off bounds. Get over it. Move on.
[00:19:37] Speaker C: And you guys know that we have, like, a large front group, but, like, they were actually, like, in the front group. There's, like, a lot of little pods, and they were actually, like, in a very close friend pod of friends. So it's not like it was, like, peripheral friends. Like, they hung out a lot.
A lot of time together.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: Like, every weekend, if not every other weekend, we would be hanging out with each other. Sometimes in the middle of the week. You know, we'd go walk dogs together. We'd go get coffee together. It was.
We called ourselves the quad pod. You know, like, we hung out all the time.
And so to have those feelings come up to me felt extremely wrong, betraying to the friendship that we had. All of us had the friendship that we had. And it was just, like, very bad jarrow. Like, don't do this.
[00:20:25] Speaker C: Bad dog.
[00:20:26] Speaker A: And so.
So, you know, I told myself, nope, get it out of your head. It's not thing. Move on. It's not gonna happen.
Oddly enough, Probably about a month before this happened, Sam had told our quad pod, hey, me and my husband are getting divorced.
And the way that she said it was more of a financial strategy because her husband's business wasn't doing very well. Her husband, her business was they didn't want to have that intertwined if something was to happen financially. And so the way that she sold it to, well, not sold it told us was like, no, we're still together, but we're separating legally to eliminate any risk for my business because of his business.
So That's. I mean, I. After they told me that they were getting divorced, I was like, okay, cool. They're still together. They're just being very strategic with their finances. This is great. Awesome. Good for them.
And didn't think anything of it differently than that.
Then three days later, after I started to have these attractive feelings towards.
Tells me that she's separating from her husband.
And so I don't.
I don't know if it was something that I was picking up on subconsciously that was telling me that, like, you know, psychologically, she's single. I don't know what it was, but I think it had something to do with, like, their relationship ending.
[00:22:07] Speaker C: It had, like, shifted your guys'.
[00:22:09] Speaker A: Yeah, the vibe. Whatever you want to call it, if you're, you know, whatever you want to call it, something had changed, which maybe subconsciously made me observe what was going on and figure that she was single or something. I don't know. Either way, I still felt very guilty for having these feelings towards Sam and then, you know, trying to move on with the friendship of them getting separated.
At this point, I was still telling myself, no, this is still off limits. This is still not a good situation. Like, they need to heal from their separation before I can explore anything more with Sam.
And then there's, like, multiple experiences. Probably the following.
Let's see. Probably two month and a half that they're just interactions that I had with Sam.
Whether we were talking, whether we were going out for coffee, whether we were driving in the car together. There's just interactions that felt way more connective than just friendly interactions, which made. And it made my mind just, like, go crazy. Like, what the hell is going on here? What. What's. What is this? Like, I don't want to. I don't want to ruin anything here, but also, like, I just need to know what the heck is going on.
What is she experiencing in this?
Is it at all similar to what I'm experiencing?
Like, is this connection and bond building, or is it that just in my head?
[00:23:59] Speaker C: And did you breach the conversation first?
[00:24:02] Speaker A: So, yes, I brought up. I told her that I started to develop an attraction to her, and she responded with, oh, I'm flattered. Thank you.
Couldn't give me anything to, like, understand where she's at and what's going on in her head and, like, what's going on?
And so, yeah, girl, that was even more frustrating to me because I was like, okay, great, now you know everything about me and how I feel towards you, but I have no idea what the Heck's going on in your head?
And so that didn't help.
And then finally, I think this was after the DirtWire show.
After the Dirt wire show, we went to our friend's house for an after party and we hung out. It was like, several of us that were hanging out. And by the end of the night, it was just me and Sam that were sitting in the living room together. And I brought it up to her. I was like, I need to get feedback from you. I need direction because I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't want to continue to, like, have these thoughts in my head of possibilities and this and that and what. Where is this going? Is it going anywhere? Are you anywhere near the same kind of attractive towards me as I'm attracted towards you?
Like, what is the situation? How do we handle this situation? You just recently got divorced and separated from your husband of X amount of years.
Are you even in a position to consider this, to think about it, like, what. What. What is going on? Can I get some direction on whether I should pursue this or whether I should leave it be and see what happens in the future or if anything, and just move on?
And.
And she told me a bunch of things about her and where her head's at.
I think after getting separated from her husband, she was super excited about single Sam Summer. And single Sam Summer lasted a month and a half because after that conversation, you know, it's kind of. It's kind of crazy. Sam and I would call each other each other's evil step twin or each other's evil twin. And so we already had this, like, really close bond, very similar to what, like, as close of a bond as friends you can have as, like a brother and sister.
And so when we talked about it, both of us were extremely concerned that if we do decide to pursue this in a direction that's more than just friends, we didn't want to ruin that incredible friendship bond that we had.
And so it was, you know, a pretty difficult decision to say, yes, let's move this in the direction of relationship and go that way.
And so I guess to answer the question, long winded, you know, the fact that we were already such close friends for such a long time, it didn't even cross my mind or make me think anything differently than, like, this is my person.
This is like, I have no doubts.
There's times before when Sam and I were just friends, and she would leave to go visit family in Hawaii and go spend time with them, and she would go on A trip.
And I would think to myself, I'm like, I want my friend back. When is Sam coming back? I want to hang out with Sam. When is she gonna be back?
And so just having that experience and having that close bond and friendship already made it no doubt in my mind that, like, no, this is my person.
I think within the two days of us hanging out after that Dirt Wire show, I had, like, deleted all the apps and any kind of, like, dating anything.
I was all in. Like, no.
No doubt about it. All in.
And it's been incredible since.
[00:28:28] Speaker B: I love it. That's amazing.
I also think it's really, like, between the two stories, setting, like, being really. I'm really proud of the two of you. You guys just, like, sat down and had very vulnerable conversations with people that you were trusting, and it worked out for the best. Like, it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to, like, say, I need guidance or I need to, like, get some feedback from you or. Kelly, for you to be like this, I'm. I'm done with doing all of this. I want to make sure that, like, you and I are on the same page, pretty out of the gate, you know? Like, that's hard to do.
I'm just proud of you, too. I'm so happy for you, too.
Hug you too. This is so cute.
[00:29:06] Speaker A: Can I say something to build off of what you just said?
So I think that that's, like, one of the biggest things that I've learned through our little squish community here in Bend, as well as my relationship with Sam, is that the, like, vulnerability is what builds those bonds, whether it's with your friends and building community, whether it's with your person, your partner, like, opening up and showing the cracks that you have and showing that you're human and not this, like, statue, this perfect statue. Like, that's what makes you human. That's what makes you accepted into your community and with.
Knows me better than my parents, knows me better than my sister. She knows everything about me. There's not one thing that I ever hold back on, even if it's just, like, a weird thought or inkling or feeling that I get.
I'm like, hey, Sam, let me tell you something.
And we talk and we. She tells me things when things come up in her head, and it's like, we're all flawed.
The sooner we realize that and share our flaws, the sooner we can build from those flaws with the community and the loved ones that we have.
And the only way that we can get better is by being vulnerable with our community and with our loved ones. And. And that's how, you know, growth happens for sure.
[00:30:38] Speaker B: Yeah.
Yeah. I think that, like, a lot of the. I don't know if it was because, like, we grew up on Facebook and, like, all of having a phone, and I don't. I don't know if there's like, this Persona that people try to project and then, like, subsume that they get too. Too nervous to be vulnerable. Like, there's this fear of. Of being rejected. And so there's like an extra. There's like, they're. They over. Correct. And so I find that a lot of people don't. That's why I'm so proud of you guys, because a lot of people don't have those conversations. They'll be passive aggressive or they'll say something, you know.
[00:31:16] Speaker A: No, not you are footage or whatever.
[00:31:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
So I don't know, I just find that, like, authenticity is so hard to come by. And so when you. Your group especially, like, I don't. I don't know squish as well as you guys do, but I do see that there is, like, a lot of acceptance, regardless of, you know, background or whatever. Like, it's just really wonderful to see a group of people that love each other and what a squish puddle pile on top of each other. It's very sweet. It's very cute. I wish more.
[00:31:42] Speaker A: This is another thing, just like, to continue building off of what you're saying that you mentioned authenticity. And like, I define authenticity as being your true and genuine self.
And we have. Sam and I had this discussion a little while ago, and when.
If you're not authentic, if you're not being who you truly are, in a sense that is a form of cheating on your partner or cheating on your friend group. Right. Because you're presenting, you're lying about who you are. Really.
And so that kind of.
There was a podcast that I was listening to recently, and they talk about when you have a interaction and a conversation with someone, it's like holding a rope between each other. And when you hold that rope and there's tension in the rope, it means that you're paying attention to each other. Right.
And if you catch someone lying, that tension slacks out a little bit because you start questioning whether you can believe everything that they're saying.
And so when you're not being your true and authentic self and you're putting up this front, putting up an ego, and you're concerned about what other people think about who you truly and Authentically, genuinely are.
You're. You're essentially cheating on that relationship with your friend, with your partner, with whatever it is.
And then when that comes out, then your partner or your friend feels betrayed because you told them one thing, and the other thing was the truth.
And so I feel like there's a lot of.
I mean, I feel like most of my most real friendships were the ones that I don't have to pretend that I'm someone that I'm not. I am who I am, and they accept me for who I am. And.
And we carry on.
[00:33:33] Speaker C: Yeah. And longest friendships, too. Like, I feel like K. Fleur and I, since we've known each other for so long, we, like, don't really have any room or. Like, you would have found me out by now if I was not my real, true.
[00:33:50] Speaker B: Kelly knows all my good times and all of my very, very bad times. So even if I did lie to her, she. There wouldn't be a point. She's gonna call me out. She knows.
[00:34:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:01] Speaker B: You know, the girl and I, like, we literally shared a room for four years in college. Like, there's nothing she doesn't know that is true. Yeah.
[00:34:11] Speaker C: I mean, it's just, like, it's so fun to. Yeah. Just have those friendships and be able to identify them. And then k. Flare is not, like, a big share, but I make her have feelings. She's not really.
[00:34:23] Speaker B: Yeah. I guess what I. When you were just mentioning, like, knowing your true self and stuff like, that's hard to do. I don't know for a lot of people, but for me, I feel like I.
I'm always changing. I'm always learning something new. I'm meeting new people that change my perspective.
I. At who I am at my core. Like, to your point, I am an honest person who, like, enjoys meeting people and learning interesting things and, like, questioning our reality, because our reality is fantastic. But whatever.
I mean, there's definitely growth. Like, there's. The Kelly that I knew when I met her at 18 is not the Kelly that's sitting in front of us today. Like, that is a com. Not a completely different person. But there's so much growth and changing that happens. It's kind of cool to see that over time, but I wouldn't want to. I don't know. I want to make sure that, like, knowing your true self can. Can change. And we're malleable creatures. Yeah. So.
[00:35:19] Speaker A: So there's. Have you heard of the whole, like, concept that every seven years, you replace all the cells in your body?
[00:35:26] Speaker B: Okay, I have not heard about that, but we were just talking about astrology not that long ago. And like, this year in particular is all about transformation. And like, this is the time.
[00:35:36] Speaker C: Based on the Chinese. Every seven years or whatever. Chinese horoscope this year is Chinese.
Yeah.
[00:35:43] Speaker B: You know about the fire horse.
Oh, my God. Right?
I don't. I would totally subscribe to the fact that, like, every seven years, is it all your, like, outside cells that you change or every single cell?
[00:35:56] Speaker A: I think it's all the cells in your body. And I could totally. You know, it could be one of those things where, like, you know, your parents said if you swallow gum, you would take seven years for it to come out.
[00:36:04] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:36:05] Speaker A: It could be one of those, like, fake things. But I.
I don't know. I. I think it's. Every seven years you replace all the cells in your body. Maybe not all of them, maybe not like bones and stuff like that, but maybe majority of the cells in your body.
[00:36:17] Speaker C: That would make sense.
[00:36:20] Speaker B: Even, like, spiritually speaking, there's like, has to be some kind of metamorphosis that happens within that. That's a big chunk of time. That's a lot of experience, so.
[00:36:28] Speaker A: Well, the thought that I had based off of that statement, the seven years replacing your cells was. Well, that also must mean that you replace all your brain cells within those seven years.
So why would you being the same person you were seven years ago make any sense at all?
Like.
[00:36:48] Speaker C: Right.
[00:36:49] Speaker A: I think that if you are the same person, after seven years, you failed.
I don't know. Maybe that's.
[00:36:57] Speaker B: I would agree with that.
[00:36:58] Speaker A: You haven't grown.
[00:36:59] Speaker B: You should be. Yeah, you should be looking for those, like, things in life that make you uncomfortable, that make, like, change your perspective and kind of shift a little bit. But.
Yeah, I hadn't thought of, like, the exercise of holding, like, a friendship, holding a taught rope. I kind of like that analogy. I might steal that from you, if that's okay.
[00:37:17] Speaker A: The other thing that they had on that taut rope was like, you know, let's say you're having a conversation with someone, the rope's pretty taut, and then they pull out their phone.
That rope is going to loosen up. You know, it's like, because that person's taking some of their attention away from the conversation, and then, you know, they start checking their messages or whatever, and.
And you pull out your phone and then it gets even more loose. And then it's just like, why are we even trying to have a conversation when we're trying to do something else also?
[00:37:54] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I don't know about you guys, but one of my biggest pet peeves, and my husband doesn't do this very often, but if we're, like, at dinner or, like, we're having a date night or whatever, I don't like it when people keep their phone on the table so they can just, like, always check it if something's happening. Like, I would prefer. It's much.
It's nicer. It's rude to keep your phone on the table. I think it's nicer to just, like, put it away so you can actually be present for the conversation.
Sorry not to call you out or anything, but I think. Do you. Am I alone in that?
[00:38:28] Speaker C: No, no, no, I agree.
[00:38:30] Speaker A: Totally accurate.
[00:38:31] Speaker C: Yeah, I very much agree with you. I was just seeing where boyfriend was because we're at his house and he's not here, so I don't know where he is.
[00:38:38] Speaker A: But you don't have a track your phone on your boyfriend?
[00:38:40] Speaker C: No, we trust each other.
[00:38:42] Speaker B: Oh, you track my location, you don't check his.
[00:38:45] Speaker C: Hey.
[00:38:46] Speaker A: More of a safety thing than a distrust thing.
[00:38:48] Speaker C: You're right. Yeah. Eventually it will happen because I literally.
[00:38:52] Speaker B: Have everyone on remedy that.
[00:38:54] Speaker C: So, yeah, it's gonna be a thing.
But anyway.
Yeah.
[00:38:59] Speaker A: Can I add one more thing to the whole phone conversation?
This is part of that same podcast that I was listening to that talked about the tension in the conversation and how, like, that. That connection, that bond loosens when one or both people are distracted and they started talking about, like, dating.
And how would you feel if. If in a theoretical world, both of you are single, you go out on a date, okay.
And you say, hey, take down my number. At the end of the date, he's like, oh, I left my phone in the car.
How would you feel about that in comparison to him having the phone out on the table?
[00:39:48] Speaker C: Yeah, that's great.
[00:39:49] Speaker B: I guess I wouldn't be offended if he asked for my phone. Like, oh, hold on, I gotta go get my.
[00:39:55] Speaker C: Or.
[00:39:55] Speaker B: Yeah. Because if I'm offering my phone and he's like, oh, I can't take it, then I'm gonna be like, oh, shoot, I shouldn't have offered it, like, immediately in my head.
[00:40:03] Speaker C: Yeah, that's fair. I guess you could just flip it around and say, like, oh, you put your number in my phone, then.
[00:40:09] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, of course. But, like, if he responded, oh, let me. Let me just put my number in your phone because I left my phone in the car.
[00:40:17] Speaker B: Oh, that's fine.
[00:40:18] Speaker C: Yeah, I think that's a good thing. I think if They're. Yeah, I would appreciate that. But then it would be weird if there was. Yeah, I don't know. Because it's like, weird also how you met and how you, like, are the reason why you're going on that date. Because if it's like on a dating app, then you'll think like, oh, they're not interested whatsoever.
Well, if you met them in real life, I guess tension was already there.
[00:40:38] Speaker A: I guess the. I guess it's like a dating app thing where you, like, go out on a date and I guess, I guess where the thought was going was the person, whether it was a guy or girl that left their phone in the car, they wanted to be present for that interaction. And so just to refrain from the distraction of, oh, shoot, it's vibrating in my pocket. They just leaving their phone in the car so that they're not distracted at all and they can be actually, like, fully present in the. In the interaction.
[00:41:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Somebody who's like, really attached to their phone is a big major turn off for me. So if they can, like, have a dinner and not stress that they're gonna, like, need to check their TikTok or some something. I don't know, I find that. That cool. Then you can go do other things with me and we'll both leave our phone in the car because we're not like, attached to it at the hips. Like, I don't know, there's like a dopamine hit that happens when you check your phone. So if you don't do that, then it just shows me that you are prepared for the conversation. You're willing to, like, listen and not be nervous about meeting a new person, which can display confidence. And there's like a whole bunch of like, you know, background stuff that I pick up on that, but I really like that. Actually, I think I would be really happy if they left their phone in the car.
[00:41:49] Speaker C: For sure. I would agree.
[00:41:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:41:52] Speaker C: What would you say?
[00:41:52] Speaker B: It's not like they're never gonna touch it again. Right? We're only there for like an hour.
[00:41:56] Speaker C: It's also so bizarre. Like, during this time, it's fantasy or football, whatever. Thank God Matt's not a sports ball. Well, he likes some sports balls, but not the football. Sports balls.
[00:42:05] Speaker A: Sports ball.
Matt's not in a sports ball. I'm looking around his office and he's got basketball posters all over the place.
[00:42:13] Speaker B: Okay. He's a basketball. Okay. That's.
[00:42:15] Speaker A: That's any form of sports ball.
[00:42:18] Speaker C: Okay. But for some reason, basketball is not as bad as football because it's not. There's not college football, there's not Sunday night football, there's not Monday Night Football, there's not Tuesday Night Football, there's not Wednesday night.
[00:42:26] Speaker B: Whatever.
[00:42:27] Speaker A: Are you kidding me? Doesn't basketball season have, like, a game?
[00:42:31] Speaker B: Okay, so March Madness is also kind of crazy, if not as more crazy, because the super bowl is only one day and you, you know, are done with it half the day. Basically.
[00:42:43] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:42:45] Speaker B: I don't know. I think football and basketball are kind of on the same.
[00:42:47] Speaker C: Where I was going with this was that I have been around.
Like, for example, Matt's dad is in all these, like, three fantasy football leagues. He literally looks at his phone 1 million times.
It's so crazy. So, like, I don't think I could ever date someone who didn't need to look at their phone for, like, you know, social media or, like, texting or whatever. It's just like, all the, like, sports leagues and whatever. And they're, like, obsessed. They're absolutely obsessed. It's so.
[00:43:17] Speaker A: I wouldn't be able to do that. I have way too many things going on in my life to be paying attention to some other people.
[00:43:23] Speaker C: Knowing all their names and. Yeah. And knowing their stats and. Oh, my gosh, it's so crazy.
[00:43:28] Speaker B: But, yeah, I don't want to yuck anybody's yum because that also sounds like it brings people joy, but, like, having the other side of that. My husband spends so much time on YouTube, like, so much time on YouTube and talks non stop about woodworking and engineering.
[00:43:46] Speaker C: Is it a plus? Yeah.
[00:43:47] Speaker A: That's learning something or.
[00:43:52] Speaker B: I don't know, maybe not. I don't know, maybe not.
I don't know if it's a plus. It's just the same conversation over and over again.
[00:44:00] Speaker A: If you talk to Sam, she. She'll tell you about how much time I waste on my phone watching Bushman scare people in public.
I find it so hilarious.
So everyone's got their, like, you know, waste time thing.
[00:44:18] Speaker C: Mads is watching, like, fart machines in public when they, like, walk by people.
[00:44:23] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:44:24] Speaker C: I didn't know there was, like, literal guys that. That's all they do. That's all they post videos of, is just walking by people and doing farming.
[00:44:31] Speaker B: Yeah. There's these three idiots that live in Australia. They built this, like, I don't know, 50 story tall building in the middle of the backyard in the outback, and they just drop stuff on a trampoline. That's what they do.
[00:44:45] Speaker A: The slow motion video.
[00:44:46] Speaker B: That's.
[00:44:46] Speaker A: I've seen them.
[00:44:47] Speaker B: Yeah, they.
And they're like millionaires. They have like hundreds, hundreds of people that watch them on YouTube and that's all they do is just talk in Australian accents and just drop stuff.
[00:44:58] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah.
[00:44:58] Speaker B: Interesting. Super compelling. Anyways, they're all really good looking though, so it's a good time.
[00:45:04] Speaker C: Let's bring this bag around.
[00:45:06] Speaker B: My bad. Okay, let's go through gratitudes and grievances. Should we start with grievances?
[00:45:10] Speaker C: Yeah, unless there's anything else that you want to touch on while we're here.
[00:45:15] Speaker A: I know. Do we have a time limit or are you guys going to have it? No.
[00:45:18] Speaker C: Yeah, we don't have a time limit. Where does that. What are we at? 45.
[00:45:22] Speaker B: 45.
You could do a two parter episode too. We could just like tease, you know, the gratitude. We'll just cut this out starting that. We can cut it in half too.
[00:45:31] Speaker A: Sure. Do you want to do. Because I want to know what's going on in your life now with Matt and being in a new relationship. Like we talked about how everything is new to us from being single. But like, I don't know, I'm kind of curious, I guess from both of you. You already being in a relationship and married for a while. Like, what?
[00:45:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:45:52] Speaker A: What is there to like, look? Like?
What else is there moving forward?
[00:45:58] Speaker C: Oh yeah.
[00:45:58] Speaker A: What is there like for you too? Like what. What are you looking forward to in the relationship?
[00:46:04] Speaker C: Well, yeah, I was gonna say, have you. Have we like kind of been together for the same amount of time? When did you guys get together?
[00:46:09] Speaker B: Technically?
[00:46:10] Speaker C: Yeah, we've been together since May, so yeah, we've kind of been on the same trajectory.
Okay. Kay. You want to start with married life?
[00:46:22] Speaker B: Oh, God, I feel bad. I was like immediately. And I shouldn't say that about my marriage. Great.
[00:46:28] Speaker A: That's what we got to look at.
[00:46:32] Speaker C: I will say there is like a large or like growing number of people that are just like not interested in getting married anymore because like totally. I feel like in some of our friends who have like kids and things, like, it does make sense. More sense like financially to not be married, to have a kid. Because like filing for like health care and all the like FMLA stuff and school and like filing taxes and all that kind of stuff, it just makes way more sense financially to not be married, which seems so crazy.
[00:47:05] Speaker B: They did just increase the child, like the deductible or something. So like if you are taking a dependent, then your ability to take off more of your taxes is higher. They would do that this year.
But.
And it just depends on the situation, honestly. Like their tax bracket, it could depend on their zip code. Like, there's lots of things that go into it. But yeah, I mean, there are some cases where you are single, you're technically in a relationship, but you're legally single. You have a child and one of you takes them as a dependent. That would, you know, keep taxes really low, that financially, that could potentially be right for some people.
But I don't know. I have been finding more and more people that I know in their 30s are less excited about the prospect of being legally tied to somebody or like in a relationship for a long term perspective.
I don't know if that was a shift. I don't. I don't really know if it's a phenomenon. I feel like we should check actual statistics about that because I don't know.
[00:48:08] Speaker A: Is that dependent or independent of, like, wanting to have kids with that person?
[00:48:14] Speaker B: See, I wouldn't know. I think that I will. Of the people that I know, like, the. I'm thinking of eight to 10 people that have been single have either been married and now are single or have been single since I've known them. So, like the last five or 10 years and they've been dating, but every time they have a partner, it's not, oh, are you gonna get married with them? No, it's. I'm not interested in married. I'm not interested in having children. I'm not interested in, like, legally tying myself to someone.
So most of them are women. Most of them are like 35 my age or 36. Oh, my God, I'm 36.
[00:48:52] Speaker A: It's okay. I'm 38.
[00:48:54] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know. And it's honestly not the worst thing to be single. I think there are lots of great things about life and your relationship status can be whatever you want it to be. I don't know.
[00:49:06] Speaker C: I feel like also at this point in life, like, for me, like, I do want to be married and I do think there's like, a level of, like, commitment.
[00:49:15] Speaker B: Matt, already.
[00:49:18] Speaker A: Not anytime soon.
[00:49:21] Speaker B: She did say that he listens, right?
[00:49:23] Speaker C: I don't think he listens, whether he.
[00:49:25] Speaker B: Wants to or not.
[00:49:27] Speaker C: Um, but we've all. Yeah, we've talked about it. Thank you very much. Not like that, but just, like, talked.
[00:49:32] Speaker B: About because, again, you're good at communicating.
[00:49:35] Speaker C: Is it important to us? Like, is that like, something that we would want to do? Whatever. And I do feel like, just in terms of, like, life the way it is now with, like, living together Beforehand, like, you know, back in the day, like, you moved in with someone once you married them, and so you didn't have any joint things. You got fucking dishes for your wedding presents. Now we're getting, like, trips or, like, money for things. You know, like, it's a whole different ball game where, like, you're already joining your lives so much more. And earlier, I feel like it just, like, signing the piece of paper to say that you're, like, doing it for the federal government is just, like, a different step. You're already intertwining your lives so much with, like, friends and objects and house and things like that that I feel like it's kind of a different level of, like, not needing to do it if you don't want to do it. And there's, like, no pressure, really, to do it if everything on every other thing says, like, you're basically married without having that piece of paper. However, I do think that, like, for me personally, like, I think it's important, and I would like to do that and just, like, have that level of commitment. I also just want a really fucking fun party. So shoot me. I mean, I just want to have. All my friends are so fun, and I just want to have a fun party, and I just want to, like, be a bachelorette and go on a dumb trip and like, that kind of stuff with all my friends. Like, that's the kind of stuff that I would, like, look forward to. It's not the actual, like, signing a piece of paper. I mean, of course I would do that, whatever. But it's more of just like, celebrating your love and celebrating coming together and joining your lives and everything.
And I just think that because all that stuff, like, happens so much earlier these days with, like, wanting to move in ahead of time and going through all those steps kind of, it doesn't really make that much sense to get married. So I see why people don't want to unless it's, like, important to you. So.
[00:51:22] Speaker A: So.
[00:51:22] Speaker B: And then.
[00:51:24] Speaker A: No, no, you go first.
[00:51:26] Speaker B: Well, I. I have. Yeah, that. I have a cousin that has been with her boyfriend, live in boyfriend since we graduated high school, so 2012. And they have no plans. They. He owns the house and they have. I have separate finances with my husband. We don't. We don't really share a lot in terms of, like, we talk a lot about our retirement and stuff. And we're kind of in the process of figuring out how to get out of debt because, you know, we need to get that done. But, you know, melding your. The Process of deciding to be in a relationship, number one, is a really beautiful thing. Number two, marriage. If that's like important to the couple and that's how they want to live their lives together, that's really great. Taxes aside, like get that tax break. Hell yeah. It's like, I feel like that's why a lot of people get married. You get to the point where you're just earning so much money that it just makes a lot more sense to get married. But it's not for everybody. I don't know, I, I'm not gonna like, I'm not gonna be the advocate for marriage. Right. Like I've been married for. Yeah.
[00:52:30] Speaker C: Why did you get married? Just cuz you, it was important to you. If you don't mind.
[00:52:34] Speaker B: I got married for a lot of different reasons.
The number one reason is because I love my husband. Like I was at the point where we had been dating for six years. I had moved three or four times with this joker, crossed a couple of states.
He knows my family. He, you know, I can't shake him. You know, he's just like here, he's, he's here to stay. And I wanted to get married as I've tried.
[00:52:57] Speaker A: I can't shake him.
[00:53:00] Speaker B: I can't shake him.
I think the best thing about being married and I've had a really rough couple of years and my relationship has taken the big brunt of that because like my job and my finances, me being 36 and like maybe not having kids, telling that to my parents, that was the whole thing.
So it's been really challenging. But the thing that I walked away with this last time, December, when I finally sat down and just like verbally vomited all of this, my anxieties on him, which is not fair to do because I'm a bad communicator.
The reassurance that he was like, listen, we're going to figure it out. It's not just your problem, it's our problem. I'm here for you.
Let's like talk it out. What can I do to be supportive immediately? What's the long term plan? How do we like that kind of like coming together and just showing up. For me is the best part about being in a relationship with somebody that you trust. Somebody that like isn't going to make me feel like a terrible like person for making mistakes or you know, not really living up to what my parents wanted me to be.
[00:54:06] Speaker A: What that's, you know, what he's doing.
He's regulating your emotions.
[00:54:11] Speaker B: Yeah, that's the best part about it. A good man.
I love it. I'm gonna tell her that.
Anyway, that's how I'm, like, literally blushing right now. I'm so sorry to.
[00:54:23] Speaker C: Sorry for the abrupt cutoff, folks. We are just in such an interesting conversation that we didn't know where to end it. So that is the first part of the episode. Second episode of having Jaro back on the pod. We hope you enjoyed it. Please let us know what are your thoughts and feelings. Please stay tuned next week for the second half of the episode to see how.
How it all worked out and to see where we left off.
Thank you so much for your support. We love you. Bye.
[00:54:59] Speaker B: That's all for today's episode.
[00:55:00] Speaker C: Hope you enjoyed listening as much as we love you.
[00:55:02] Speaker B: Follow us on Instagram @candidly30.
[00:55:05] Speaker C: See you next week, bitches.
